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Sep 29

Burnout

As I sit (let’s be honest, I am standing) here at my desk, I am having a serious brain bash because my mouth is numb from the dentist and my mind is telling me to run and go drink a tub of honey. How does this make sense? Well, when my blood sugar is super low my tongue and the side of my mouth always tingle. If you have diabetes, I am sure you can empathize. To say the least, while I am working, my eyes are glued to my continuous glucose monitor (CGM).

In a nutshell, this situation I am experiencing right now is how I have felt about my diabetes in the last month. It’s been a knee-jerk and while my blood sugars have been decent, they have been way too much freaking work to be where they are. And never in my (adult) life have I cared about what people think, or where their eyes go when I meet or greet them, but I am feeling sensitive about the fact many people directly look at my Dexcom arm, which usually has a bright purple sticker on it and my upper back where I have been recently hosting my insulin pod. Indeed I ripped my CGM off my arm last night partly because I am over this! I needed a break, and although my CGM break was short, I found myself seeking a new spot (my butt) to put my Dexcom to deal with this emotion.

What’s going on with me? I usually jump at the opportunity to educate people about what is on my arm and back…Ahhh, I am totally burned out.

My lifestyle and diabetes are not dancing very well together, and I realize I need to take a big deep breath (or 10) and figure out how to get the 2 at least on the same radio station. The best way to do this, I am finding is slowing down, breathing more and talking about it.

I have dozens of clients with diabetes and while I am providing sound recommendations I am being transparent with my current struggle and human feelings. Simply writing this post is allowing me to have a weight lifted off my shoulders and I would love for viewers to add any feedback or mentions on how they can relate in the below comment section.

I may be the @diabeticdietitian, but I am not superhuman. I want to eat or be able to not eat whenever I want, sleep however I want (often I roll onto my CGM or pod and it hurts), and not think about the carb, protein, fat breakdown of food. I can loosen my expectations for my control, but I know that will make me a cranky person, so what goes?

Instead, I am making small tweaks, setting boundaries (like turn phone to airplane mode come 9pm or really work at being present when I am with people) and reaching for broader goals. As shared, instead of chucking off my CGM for days or months (which is totally fine to do, and I have done that), I am finding more conservative spots to stick my CGM and my pod (lower back) until I want to forwardly talk about them in public. Instead of obsessing about tight control, I mapped out a plan to eat super nutritious, and more importantly, desired foods. I know what I like, I know how to bolus for some of my favorite foods, I just need to slow down, lighten my to-do list and ground myself.

Diabetes can knock us down sometimes, but it brings us opportunities and connections we would never have otherwise. As my Insta-friend @type1dchick put it best, “God gave his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers” and I will add that the diabetes community is a strong one and a great place to be.

Chin up.